True Colors

Today is the last day of Summer. When I look back on the past few months, I see happiness and joy, but also stress and sorrow. I was blessed to go to Uganda with my wife and serve the people of Kampala and the surrounding areas! I also went on trips with the youth and watched them serve God and learn more about Him. I also got to go to the beach with my wife and some of our friends, however, that was only due to the major downer of this summer: the resignation of my job. 

It's hard not having a job. Some may say "That's sweet! You don't have to have a job and you can do whatever you want!" Reality says "Dude, you are screwed!" I want to be able to provide for my wife and our needs as a family and without a job, I cannot. I have applied everywhere but, alas, I have heard nothing. I have learned that applying isn't the way it used to be when I was younger. This week I have been going from business to business with my resume and dressed all professional and what do I hear? "Go to our website and apply." Then, once you get to the website, you have to type in all of your resume information again and answer a hundred or more application assessment questions. I had enough of standardized testing in high school thank you very much! The job market is tough, which means I need to man up and be tougher!

I met with my mentor the other day. He is a Godsend. He is the one who did the pre-marriage counseling for my wife and I and he and I have stayed in touch and tried to meet up at least once a month ever since. When he and I get together its great. I can unload everything to him and he is loving, caring and supportive, but also speaks truth into my life (even if it's hard for me to take.) He drew up a little diagram for me when I told him all that had happened and it really helped me! 

He said that we all have times in our life when crap happens. To get through it, we need to go through a 6-step cycle. The first step is Observation. We observe what has happened. Sometimes this is pretty quickly. In other cases, it takes some time. This step includes denial. The second step is Consideration. Here, we consider what we did and what we could have done. The third step is Discussion. We need to talk to someone about what happened. This is what I was doing with Josh. Usually we feel guilt, shame, sorrow, etc. Its like we are stuck in the doldrums of life and don't know what to do. A lot of people get stuck in the O.C.D. doldrums. 

So how do we get outta there? Repentance. We need to be Open to the Plan God has for us. That is the forth step. We need to admit that it's not about us. We need to realize that we are created for something far better than the guilt, shame and sorrow we feel. 

²⁵ “Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes? ²⁶ Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them.Are you not much more valuable than they? ²⁷ Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life?

²⁸ “And why do you worry about clothes? See how the flowers of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. ²⁹ Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. ³⁰ If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you—you of little faith? ³¹ So do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ ³² For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. ³³ But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. ³⁴ Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own..

Matthew 6:25-34 (NIV)

God loves us. It just sucks that we have to be in the pits of despair to realize it. Once we are open to the plan of God (which isnt just saying "Ok God, whats the deal!" but earnestly seeking Him through prayer and relationship with Him) we need Accept it! I think that's the hardest part because we literally have to die to ourselves for the cause of Christ (Luke 9:23-34). We have to put our own agenda aside and that's hard because we are a selfish culture. Finally, the sixth and final step is to Act on the plan God has for us. This should be easy because if we accept it (meaning we are totally, 100% on board with it), then it should come naturally, a part of who we are.

So, where are am I in all of this? After meeting with Josh, I went through the repentance/open to God's plan stage. I am actively seeking His guidance and plan, yet still seeking employment to provide for my family. Does that mean I don't trust that God will provide? No. It means that God is not going to deliver something to me on a silver platter while I lounge around and do nothing. I have to work for it! God doesn't drop worms in the bird's mouth, it has to get up early in the morning and compete with other birds to get the worm. Don't miss what is being said. The bird trusts that God will provide the worm and therefore goes working for it.

So, that's what I am doing. On this last day of summer, I am letting my true colors shine and holding nothing back! I totally trust that God will provide me with a job and that He will provide for my family.

OVERWHELMED by all the NOISE!!

Typically I would be at the office right now working on music, videos and logos, but today is different. Is it different because it's the 11th anniversary of 9/11? No. Is it different because I am writing a blog? That might be part of it. It's different because I am writing a blog here at Starbucks drinking a vinti Pumpkin Spice Latte and taking a break from job searching. Ya see, a few weeks ago, August 30th to be exact, I was asked to resign. I was caught by surprise and asked to have my office cleared out by the end of the day. I think I am just now realizing that I do not have a job! Now I am not going to go into why I was let go (because I harbor no ill-will toward the church and their decision), that is not who I am. The reason for this post is really to talk about the emotional whiplash I am currently experiencing.

A few days after being asked to resign, I went with my wife and the family she nanny's for to Destin, Florida. I told myself it would be a great way to rest, relax, and figure out my next steps. Well, it was relaxing and I did get some rest, but was still in a way in denial about not working at the church. I still couldn't believe that it happened. While at the beach to took lots of pictures of the kids and family and edited them (because I love doing that stuff!) But now that I am back in reality, I have to face the harsh truth that for the first time, I am unemployed.

I have been flooding the job market with my resume, but because I have a history degree, most places aren't really attracted to me. It seems like an uphill battle that I am not prepared for. This past Sunday my wife and I went to church. This is huge because for the past 3 years, I have worked at church and therefore church was a job, not a worship experience. Pastor Buddy started a series called Overwhelmed. This particular Sunday was the first message in the series and it was entitled "Noise."

The first scripture he gave was one I have always known, but that day, meant more than ever.

"Be still, and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth."
Psalm 46:10 (NIV)

I needed to be reminded of that, not that God is God, but to be still. My emotions are going crazy, my brain is going crazy because I want to provide for my wife. I needed to be reminded to be still. 

"God don't make junk! He just doesn't!" His grammar left a lot to be desired, but maybe that was the point. When Buddy said that, it stuck. Then he followed with this:

"I praise You because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; Your works are wonderful, I know that full well!" 
Psalm 139:14 (NIV)

When I am still and know that God is who He says He is, I praise Him for what He has done! He created me, he knit me in my mothers womb (Psalm 139:13) and He knows the number of hairs on my head! In that I find my personal confidence. I am created by God. 

"For we are God's workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do."

Ephesians 2:10 (NIV)

I am God's workmanship. God don't make no junk, so what am I created to do? It may confuse some that I worked at a church, the house of God, and was asked to leave. However, I do not live to please man, but my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. I am created to do good works out of the overflowing love of the Father. If I am not able to do it IN the church, than I will BE the church in all aspects of my life, sharing the love God has bestowed upon me with others. This is my life's purpose, and I need to focus on that, and not all the other crap life throws at me. 

Once I can accept that and do it, I can find rest in the timing of God. 

"He has made everything beautiful in it's time. He has also set eternity in the hearts of men; yet they cannot fathom what God has done from beginning to end."
Ecclesiastes 3:11 (NIV)

He has made everything beautiful IN IT'S TIME. That's easy to say, but it's hard to live out! We live in a society that is self gratifying and instant. We want it now! When one door closes (let go from a job, a relationship ends, etc.) we want and expect another to already have been opened. But that's not how it works and I am currently learning that. 

"Many are the plans in a man's heart, but it is the Lord's purpose that prevails."
Proverbs 19:21 (NIV)

I reckon this is the best place to but that timeless phrase: Let go and let God. My wife and I have a verse that we have clung to since early on when we were dating. 

"Delight yourself in the Lord, and He will give you the desires of your heart."Psalm 37:4 (NIV)

When I find all my happiness and joy in Christ, in turn, He will grant me my heart's desire. But here is why - when my happiness and joy are found solely in Christ, than all my heart desires are the things of God! This is what Tascha and I strive for each and every day: that as our love for God grows, so will our love for one another. We are united in our mission to love God and love others and it is because of our joint heart's desire that God renews our love for one another and blesses our marriage. So even though I may not have a job, I have a wife who supports me, loves me, and would do anything for me. That is God taking care of the ones He loves. 

"For everything, absolutely everything, above and below, visible and invisible, rank after rank after rank or angels - everything got started in Him and finds its purpose in Him"
Colossians 1:16 (MSG)

There are people in this world who can multitask like nobody's business! My wife is one of these people. She can be cleaning the house, cooking, and talking on the phone all while holding two kids in her arms and dealing with them! Oh my dude!!! I do good if I can walk and chew gum at the same time. All of us have strengths. A lot of the time we thinks we need to concentrate on our weaknesses and strengthen them so we can become even stronger. That's all well and good, but in the long run, it doesn't help us a whole lot. When we do that, we become mediocre at a lot of things, but excellent at nothing. Our God demands that best and we should want to offer our best! With that said, I need to magnify my strengths and get in S.H.A.P.E.

Spiritual Gifts

Heart  

Abilities

Personality

Experiences

We have all been given spiritual gifts and we need to strengthen them in order to magnify God to the best of our ability. We need to make sure our heart it totally surrendered to the cause of Christ. Our abilities (talents) should be enhanced and grown to better serve the Lord. God has given us a personality and we should use that as a tool to share His love. We have all gone through certain experiences and although me may not know why, we should remember them in order to connect and minister to others down the road. 

"Be very careful, then, how you live - not as unwise but as wise, making the most of every opportunity, because the days are evil. therefore do now be foolish, but understand what the Lord's will is."
Ephesians 5:15-17 (NIV)

When I am in shape, and even in the process of getting into shape, opportunities will come my way and I had better jump on them! Just a few hours ago, I was walking down the sidewalk in front of a few other stores to get to Starbucks. A lady was walking perpendicular to me holding a box. We arrived in front of the Parcels 2 Go door at the same time. What did I do? Did I open the door for her? NO!!! I was so concentrated about getting into Starbucks and finding a seat with a table next to a plug, that I totally neglected that woman and my call! I threw away a wonderful opportunity to share the love of God because I was selfish. So many times when we are in the valleys, we become selfish and all "woe is me!" Ironically, those are the times we should humble ourselves and allow the Lord to lift us up! (James 4:10) 

So God, I pray that the noise of this world, that all the anxiety, worry and stress, would be drown out and I would be quiet, still and acknowledge your presence. God direct me in the way of Your will, give me strength to persevere and may I find rest in You and You alone. Thank you for a wonderful wife and how she shines Your love so brightly in my life! Thank you for what You are doing in me, through me and in spite of me. May everything I do honor and glorify You!  

Free From To Be Free For

I was walking into the office today to get my third cup of coffee because for some reason, I was totally dead. Usually after being at work for a lil bit I’m good, but today was different. As I walked with my empty Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles mug toward the coffee pot, I head a very familiar tune. “Nothing but the blood of Jesus” There was a lil ‘ol lady sitting at the receptionist desk proof reading the bulletin for this sunday and just singing her heart out (at a low volume). She didn’t care what people thought, she was just living out the love she has for God. It made me smile :)

In his book, Seizing Your Devine Moment, Edwin McManus talks about living a life totally sold out to God:

“We have put so much emphasis on avoiding evil that we have become virtually blind to the endless opportunities for doing good. we have defined holiness through what we separate ourselves from rather than what we give ourselves to. I am convinced the great tragedy is not the sins that we commit, but the life that we fail to live. You cannot follow God in neutral.” He goes on to say “God created you to do good. And doing this requires initiative. There is a subtle danger of hiding apathy behind piety.”

BAM! What a shot in the mouth! It makes you think how concentrated we are on not screwing up when instead we should just be so sold out to the mission of Christ that the other stuff doesn’t matter and isn’t an issue! This lady wasn’t concerned with what people thought because she was sold out to the way of Christ! 

So many times  our fear restrains us. I am the chief of all sinners and allow my fear to take control way to much! I suppress my yearn and desire to be the hands and feet of Christ and let my fear take over. I let it say “A fool you will be made” and “A failure you will be for success you will reach not!” Yes, my fear speaks to me like Yoda. I expressed this to my mentor and you know what he said? “In order to lead, we must be free from to be free for.” WHAT? Yea, he totally had to break this down for me.

To be free from - God has to be free from us, to be independent of us

To be free for - it is because of God’s independence of us that He can be free for us, free to love us, free to forgive us, to be merciful and gracious to us

I was still a lil lost so he put it in Jeff terms. Here is what he said:

“Jeff, you are a worship leader. How can you lead people in worship if you depend on the approval of the people you lead?” You must be free from the people you lead, see the approval of the audience of One by doing your very best with a pure heart. By doing this, you are free for the people you lead and can lead them into a freedom giving relationship with our Creator.” Yea, I got it that time. 

So what does this all mean? Simply, it means I gotta focus on The Way of Christ. When I do that and let not my fear decide my actions and instead follow the desire of my heart, which is the renown of Jesus, than I am free from the world so I can be free for the world.